We and our Children

It is a very common habit and a natural tendency to brand and mark children as naughty, selfish, aggressive, rebellious and so on. Once we mark a child as naughty, selfish, lazy, fat, stupid, rude, careless or anything else (we lable them). If children believe that label, they will start living up to it. They'll think There's no point my making an effort, I know I'm lazy everybody thinks so. Why should I change myself

It is always the right earnest thing to say, He's not a naughty boy but, a good boy who's done naughty things. What should be done is to condemn their behavior, not them.

We should try to fix the problem not the person. Once we shift our focus to the action and not the doer our prospective changes and we start viewing our own children in a different light.

If a child eats with his mouth open or makes the table messy he can be told why it is important to eat with the mouth closed and exhibit good manners. It is the child’s action, which needs to be corrected, not the child as such.

If the child is in a habit of banging the door, refrain from shouting at him. Just inculcate in him the basic tenet that banging doors is a rude thing to do and does not speak well for a smart personality like him. That way we don’t pass a comment only on their wrong behavior but subtly praise them as well for some commendable aspect of their personality.

Positive labels are a motivating force. We should delve deeper and search that one endearing, lovable and charming quality in our child and give a positive label. If labels are accurate and realistic like careful, polite and helpful - children will likewise live up to it. There act as motivators reinforcing good behavior when there is a lapse. I was really surprised to see you shout so loudly. I always think of you as a gentle and polite person